Easy draw gives England perfect opportunity to disappoint

1990: England eliminated for excessive mullets. Or missing a penalty, I forget.

England have been drawn in group C at next year's World Cup finals in South Africa, along with the United States, Algeria and Slovenia, giving them a great chance to fail to live up to expectations. "Facing Algeria, the US and Slovenia gives us a perfect chance to get off to a slow start, and really get the media on our backs as the tournament progresses," said Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard, a perpetual disappointment at major tournaments.

1998: Penalties again. Worse team, better haircuts.

Midfield partner Frank Lampard, another Premier League star who habitually fails to live up to his reputation on the biggest stage, agreed, saying "I'm sure that qualifying for the knockout stages by the skin of our teeth will set us up perfectly to exit the tournament at the hands of a better-prepared team that isn't considerably less than the sum of its parts."

2002: Holy shit, that's Danny Mills. Danny Mills! It was a simpler time.

England head coach Fabio Capello added "I'm sure the English public will be thrilled by the way we open with a disappointing draw against the United States, and narrowly beat Algeria despite putting in a considerably sub-par performance. This will put us in a quite unnecessary situation of needing a win against Slovenia to ensure qualification for the knockout stages. And boy, will conceding that early goal through a horrific defensive lapse make it a nerve-jangler!"

2006: They had to go back to Newton-Le-Willows all let down. How could you do it to them, Frank?

Great Sporting Bastards 2: Ty Cobb

Ty Cobb: 1886-1961

Tyrus Raymond Cobb: legendary Detroit Tigers outfielder, Hall of Famer, .367 career batting average, 11 batting titles, 4,189 career hits, 2,245 career runs, 3,035 games played, 892 stolen bases. Additional information: competitive to the point of insanity, unforgiving in the extreme, virulently racist, died astronomically rich but virtually friendless.

Why he's loved: He was probably the greatest baseball player of the dead-ball era. His competitive fire was utterly unparalleled, which is illustrated by this quote: "I always went into a bag full-speed, feet first. I had sharp spikes on my shoes. If the baseman stood where he had no business to be and got hurt, that was his fault." This drive led him to become, statistically, easily the best player of his time.  On the first ballot for the Baseball Hall of Fame, he received 222 of a possible 226 votes.

Although his style was that of a hit-and-run batter (the dominant style of the time), in 1925, feeling threatened by Babe Ruth's fame and popularity, he announced that he was going to swing for the fences. In the next two games, Cobb went 9-for-9, with 5 home runs, a double and three singles. He then reverted to his previous style, after proving that he could hit home runs at will, but simply chose not to.

Charles M. Conlon's legendary 1909 photo of Ty Cobb stealing 3rd base

Why he's hated: Simply, he was a pretty despicable racist. At Tigers spring training in 1907, Bungy, the African-American groundskeeper, gave him a friendly slap on the back. Cobb reacted angrily at the thought of a black man being so familiar. When the man's wife intervened, he choked her.

Barely a year later, Cobb was fined $75 for assault and battery on an African-American laborer named Fred E. Collins, who was laying asphalt opposite the Hotel Pontchartrain in Detroit. Cobb had leapt to avoid a speeding car, and landed in Collins' hot asphalt. He punched him on the chin in response.

In 1909, Cobb pulled a knife on black nightwatchman George Stanfield at the Euclid Hotel in Cleveland. The fine was $100.

In November 1910, the Tigers visited Cuba, and Cobb refused to play against the black Cuban players until he was paid a $1000 bonus. He then said that "I decided to break my own rule for a few games."

In 1914, Cobb was fined $50 for pistol-whipping a butcher's African-American assistant in an argument over the freshness of $0.20-worth of fish.

In 1919, once again at the Hotel Pontchartrain in Detroit (they let him come back again?), Cobb called chambermaid Ada Morris "a nigger". She "sassed him" in return, so Cobb kicked her in the stomach and pushed her down a flight of stairs. She sued him for $10,000, but Cobb quietly settled out of court.

Certainly a Hall-of-Fame bastard.

And while we're on running backs...

... it looks like Jamal Lewis is done. He suffered 'post-concussion symptoms' and has been placed on season-ending injured reserve. He'd previously announced that he was retiring at the end of the season. Lewis has several successful businesses outside of football, and has seemingly had his spirit crushed by playing for the hopeless Browns, and Eric 'The Secret' Mangini.

Lewis will retire with career totals of 10,607 rushing yards, 58 rushing touchdowns, 4.2 yards per carry, and 81 yards per game. He led the NFL in rushing in Baltimore's Super Bowl-winning year of 2003, with 2066 yards, the second-greatest single season ever. He also made the Pro Bowl and was an All-Pro selection that year.

Go go gadget stiff-arm!

I personally always liked Lewis, who ran hard even when he was on an arrestingly poor Browns team the last two years.

Whither Reggie?

New Orleans Saints RB and 2005 Heisman winner Reggie Bush counts $8m against the salary cap next season, and simply doesn't make sense to be on their roster next year. Here's a look at his production since getting drafted second overall by New Orleans in 2006:

He ain't pullin' up no tree stumps, as they say in places where people use such homilies. In his most active season (2007), he averaged 3.7 yards per carry. To put that in perspective, that would rank him 30th in the NFL this season (among RBs with at least 100 carries), behind such all-star names as Tim Hightower and Justin Fargas, behind Brandon Jacobs (who flat out sucks ass this season), and most importantly, behind the two other RBs on his team, Pierre Thomas (2nd in the NFL with 5.6 ypc) and Mike Bell (17th with 4.4 ypc). You don't pay a 3.7 ypc running back $8m a season, no matter how many Heismans he has at home.

Now, you sit and think about what you did.

Of course, Bush defenders will point out that he averages 5.0 ypc this season, but that's on only 55 rushes, fewer than such luminaries as Justin Forsett, Jamaal Charles and Tashard Choice (all of whom average over 5.0 ypc, incidentally). Anyone advocating paying Justin Forsett $8m a season?

I see two options here: either Bush restructures his deal significantly (and I mean significantly), or he's on the street come the end of the Saints' season. Either way, the Saints will not be paying him $8m to get 3.7 ypc, hurt his knee and be on the shelf for at least 6 games. So where does he end up?

New England Patriots
I know the Patriots always get brought up whenever an intriguing, flawed player is available (remember the Michael Vick saga this past summer?), but this one does seem to make some sense. Bill Belichick wouldn't expect 25 carries a game from him (he doesn't expect that from any RB), and would certainly find some creative ways to use him on reverses, screens, and as a slot receiver.  I just doubt whether the Patriots front office would be willing to meet Bush's wage demands. He would be a role player, at best. Belichick uses his RBs completely interchangeably, and the Patriots offense demands a 3rd-down back who can catch reliably and get yards after the catch. Bush could be the new Kevin Faulk.

Oakland Raiders
We all know how Al Davis loves speed. He drafted Darius Heyward-Bey based entirely on his 40 time. He drafted Michael Mitchell based on... forgetting the correct dosage of his meds? Anyway, Bush certainly has the measurables to get Al all hot and bothered. Counting against this one is the fact that Oakland already has three RBs who could potentially start (Darren McFadden, Justin Fargas, Michael Bush), but since when has logic played a role in Al Davis' free agency spending? Javon Walker anyone?

Philadelphia Eagles
They already rescued one over-hyped former first overall pick from the football scrap heap, so why not a second overall pick too? I don't see Brian Westbrook being a major factor in Philly next year. Given his age next season (31), history of knee, ankle, and foot problems, and now a repeated concussion issue, I'd say he's a possibility for retirement too. Bush fits the bill as a load-sharer with new starter LeSean McCoy, as he can play the Westbrook role as pass-catcher too.

Kinda takes the luster off of Jones-Hopkins II

Turns out it's easier to read the writing on the wall when you're sat on your ass.

 Roy Jones Jr. got dismantled by 'Boxcar' Danny Green (nickname not necessarily true) last night in Sydney, Australia. Green caught Jones with a right to the temple, sending him to the canvas. Jones got up, but Green finished him with a flurry of blows, leading the ref to step in at 2:02 of the first round.

Jones-Hopkins II was scheduled for March 13th, 2010 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, but the smart money says Jones retires. Also, the smart money stays away from ordering that PPV if he doesn't. Boxing needs Mayweather-Pacquiao more than ever.

England's preparations for letdown continue apace

Sporting Life reports that England are seeded for next summer's World Cup, along with Brazil, Spain, Italy and other countries that actually win things. As for me, I'll continue with the belief that a successful England game is one where Rooney, Ferdinand, Carrick, et al come back uninjured.

Great Sporting Bastards: Hines Ward

But he seems like such a nice boy.

 Allow me to clarify. A bastard is not a universally hated figure. In fact, a bastard is loved by his team mates, and adored by his fans. He is hated by fans of every other team, though. He makes it his purpose in life to play dirty, and get under the skin of the opposition. He is often arrogant, but not always. He is often quiet, decent and well-mannered off the field, but not always.

Our first bastard is Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward.

Why he's loved: Ward was a record-setting all-purpose offensive threat for the Georgia Bulldogs, but slipped in the 1998 draft due to concerns over his left knee. He was taken 92nd overall, and worked his way into the Steelers' lineup the hard way. He blocked, tackled and covered on special teams. He gained a reputation for being the hardest-working guy on the team. He still has that reputation 181 starts,  866 receptions, 77 touchdowns, and 2 Super Bowl rings later. He won MVP honors at Super Bowl XL, and even today, at the age of 33, is still Pittsburgh's number one receiver, no matter how much Santonio Holmes may disagree. More importantly, he founded the Hines Ward Helping Hands Foundation, a group dedicated to ending discrimination against mixed-race children in South Korea. Watch highlights of Super Bowl XL, including the end-around reverse that got Ward the MVP.

Why he's hated: Try to find anyone in the cities of Cincinnati, Baltimore or Cleveland that has a single kind word to say about him. To opposing fans, he's not hard-working, he's just plain dirty. Just ask Bengals linebacker Keith Rivers.



That block - or assault, whichever you prefer - actually prompted a rule change in the NFL. Wide receivers are no longer to block defensive players from the blind side; this is known as the Hines Ward rule, ensuring that Ward's name will forever be linked with dirty hits. That hit broke Rivers' jaw in two places. Ward was voted 'Dirtiest Player in the NFL' in a Sports Illustrated poll of 296 current NFL players. He comfortably beat Albert Haynesworth for first place. Bengals safety Chinedum Ndukwe commented "That's what he's known for. He's a blind-side guy." Most recently, Ward questioned the toughness of QB Ben Roethlisberger for not playing with a concussion. What a bastard.

NFL coaches - who's right, who's wrong, who's left and who's leaving

Looking at the standings right now, it's hard to predict that any NFL coaches won't see the end of the season in their current jobs. Yes, Cleveland is beyond awful, but Eric Mangini is in his first season, and if owner Randy Lerner has any sense, he'll at least give Mangini another year to build something in the empty space where the Browns should be. Jim Zorn's hot-seat at 3-8 Washington has long since melted, but the options to replace him from within are frightening - Greg Blache, whose defense has been decent, but has struggled mightily vs. the pass, Sherman Smith, whose offense has been dismal (25th in the NFL), or temporary play-caller Sherman Lewis (Daniel Snyder knows you can never have too many Shermans (Shermen?)), who has had little impact.

So its likely that the in-season firings in the NFL will begin and end with Buffalo's Dick Jauron, who shockingly, couldn't win with an offensive line which is mainly theoretical, and a QB who can't make a throw beyond the end of his own nose.

The way I see it, after week 12 of the NFL season, the coaches who are sweating:

The dead men walking

Jim Zorn, Washington Redskins
This one is so inevitable, it's surprising that Zorn isn't just doing bizarre stuff for fun. I would. They can't score points on the ground or through the air, and they can't stop opposing passers. The run defense has been good, but what's the point in half a defense? It's like digging half a moat. Given the success of Hunter Smith, the 'Skins punter, on trick plays, I'd advocate making the fake punt their base formation on offense. The guy is a dual threat that gives defensive co-ordinators nightmares. With the meddling of owner Daniel Snyder, and the ineffectual kowtowing of GM Vinny Cerrato, attracting a candidate who can turn this ship around is unlikely.

Perry Fewell, Buffalo Bills
I know that Fewell seems to have his players playing hard for him, and that makes him a possibility for the head coach gig (especially given the penny-pinching nature of the Bills), but has no-one realized that this always happens? I remember people saying "Tom Cable seems to have his players playing hard for him," and "Jim Haslett seems to have his players playing hard for him." The next thing you know, you're conceding 49 points at home against the Patriots. Perry Fewell is not the answer. Drafting a left tackle and a QB was the answer, but the Bills figured they couldn't live without DE Aaron Maybin and his 6 tackles, 2 assists and 0 sacks so far. This franchise badly needs leadership in the draft, because three successes in the last three drafts (Jairus Byrd, Leodis McKelvin, Paul Posluszny) is a reflection of how poorly the franchise is performing overall.

Tom Cable, Oakland Raiders
It's difficult to do this without making Al Davis jokes, but that's just what I'm attempting. Wish me luck. Cable is a victim of his own behavior (whatever happened with Randy Hanson, the bad press surrounding his history of domestic violence), a quarterback disaster approaching Ryan Leaf proportions (JaMarcus Russell's completion percentage has actually fallen each year since he was a rookie, while his interceptions have risen inversely), and dismal drafting that beggars belief (the closest I could find to a draft success in the last 5 years was Zach Miller, an above-average TE). The Raiders roster has precisely two players you'd want on your team: CB Nnamdi Asomugha (best press corner in the league, hands-down), and punter Shane Lechler. Seriously. That the punter even enters the conversation should be enough to make Al Davis step down immediately, and burn those damn sweatsuits. Crap. It's impossible not to make a joke about him. The guy is a walking punch-line. A leathery, leathery punch line. In conclusion, the problems here go far beyond Cable, who, in his defense, gets some competitive play from his team intermittently. But the coach is there to take the fall for Davis, and fall he will.

Gary Kubiak, Houston Texans
Kubiak's failing has not been bottomless ineptitude, as with Jauron or Zorn, but rather barren, endless mediocrity. He has taken a team overflowing with talent and made it considerably less than the sum of its parts. Head coaches dream about offenses with two elite pass-catchers like Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels. Kevin Walter's no slouch as a second receiver, and Steve Slaton is a dual threat at RB. The offensive line mostly keeps QB Matt Schaub clean (21 sacks taken is good for 12th in the league). So why is this team 5-6, and flattering to deceive yet again? Well, they can't run the ball or stop the run, which is a pretty good recipe for going 8-8 again, at best. They could fire defensive co-ordinator Frank Bush Sr., but their defensive problems boil down to a lack of talent on the line, which is a draft issue, which is the domain of the head coach. Also, they lose twice to the Colts every year, which pisses everyone off. When Kubiak goes, it will be entirely justified. He's holding the team back, rather than the other way around, a la Oakland.

The possibilities

John Fox, Carolina Panthers
Have you seen the Panthers this year? They are awful in just about every phase of the game. The biggest problem here is Jake Delhomme's contract. Delhomme has to go. He just can't make the throws anymore. Unfortunately, Carolina gave him a massive new contract last offseason, in the hope that it would rip a hole in the space-time continuum and make his elbow injury not have happened. This dastardly plan was foiled, and now the Panthers are stuck with the worst starting QB in the league (yes, I now think Bruce Gradkowski and Brady Quinn are better), and a head coach who is inextricably linked with the decision to award him his mindbending contract. One has to go. If the franchise is smart, they will find a way to shuffle Delhomme out the door (possibly into retirement), and keep Fox, who has done a good job, and deserves a shot at turning it around. I'm not sure they're smart.

Eric Mangini, Cleveland Browns
The Browns are bad. Historically bad. They rank dead last in offense (11 points and 231 yards per game), and 31st in defense (giving up 25 points and 393 yards per game). Think about that. They're losing, on average, by 2 touchdowns. They average a comfortable loss. Somehow, they managed to win a game, that 6-3 atrocity in Buffalo in week 5. As bad as they may be, to fix something that's built wrong, you have to tear it down. That's what Eric Mangini has done. He's gotten rid of Kellen Winslow and Braylon Edwards, neither of Brady Quinn nor Derek Anderson will be starting there next year, Jamal Lewis is retiring, and the staff has been completely overhauled. If you're going to give the guy a mandate to tear it down and rebuild, you can't let him do half the job and fire him. As much as I think Mangini in Cleveland will be reminiscent of Marinelli in Detroit (high-character guys playing low-talent football), you have to at least let the story play out. The danger for Mangini is whether owner Randy Lerner will have the guts to ignore the calls of the fans and media to fire him.

Wade Phillips, Dallas Cowboys
The Cowboys are in a state of flux, which given the age of their roster, is not a good thing. At times they've looked good, at others they've looked Browns-esque. They've somehow dragged themselves to 8-3, which is frankly astonishing to anyone who has seen a significant amount of Cowboys football this season. They have been helped by the unexpected weakness of their division (the aforementioned Redskins, plus the unpredictable Eagles and slumping Giants). This year has the faint odor of last chances around it, both for Wade Phillips as head coach, and for some of the members of the roster (LT Flozell Adams, LB Keith Brooking, and C Andre Gurode are noticeably in decline). Surely, this is the year when Phillips and Romo have to achieve something, right? Well, we thought last year was too.

The outliers

Lovie Smith, Chicago Bears
As much as his Super Bowl appearance adds luster to his resume, there's only so much awful that a major franchise like Chicago can take. We all thought that the only thing missing from the Bears last year was a legit QB. Well now they have one, and the franchise has taken a step back. The defense has turned from a strength into a weakness (Brian Urlacher made their Tampa 2 system work, and without him, it's a giant liability). Matt Forte has regressed (the Bears are last in the league in rush yards per game), and Cutler has thrown 20 picks and only 16 TDs. I think Smith survives, however, and OC Ron Turner and DC Bob Babich take the bullets for him.

Tom Coughlin, New York Giants
I know he won a Super Bowl two short years ago, but with the experience, talent, and systems in place in New York, 6-5 is a long way from good enough. Like in Chicago, everyone has taken a step back this year, from their much-heralded lines (the trenches on both side of the ball are underperforming), to Eli Manning (although his plantar fasciitis is a mitigating circumstance), and particularly RB Brandon Jacobs. When did Jacobs stop running downhill? When did he stop punishing safeties? Again, like in Chicago, Coughlin gets another life, even if the Giants slump to 6-10. Co-ordinators Kevin Gilbride and Bill Sheridan are in the crosshairs instead.