Easy draw gives England perfect opportunity to disappoint

1990: England eliminated for excessive mullets. Or missing a penalty, I forget.

England have been drawn in group C at next year's World Cup finals in South Africa, along with the United States, Algeria and Slovenia, giving them a great chance to fail to live up to expectations. "Facing Algeria, the US and Slovenia gives us a perfect chance to get off to a slow start, and really get the media on our backs as the tournament progresses," said Liverpool midfielder Steven Gerrard, a perpetual disappointment at major tournaments.

1998: Penalties again. Worse team, better haircuts.

Midfield partner Frank Lampard, another Premier League star who habitually fails to live up to his reputation on the biggest stage, agreed, saying "I'm sure that qualifying for the knockout stages by the skin of our teeth will set us up perfectly to exit the tournament at the hands of a better-prepared team that isn't considerably less than the sum of its parts."

2002: Holy shit, that's Danny Mills. Danny Mills! It was a simpler time.

England head coach Fabio Capello added "I'm sure the English public will be thrilled by the way we open with a disappointing draw against the United States, and narrowly beat Algeria despite putting in a considerably sub-par performance. This will put us in a quite unnecessary situation of needing a win against Slovenia to ensure qualification for the knockout stages. And boy, will conceding that early goal through a horrific defensive lapse make it a nerve-jangler!"

2006: They had to go back to Newton-Le-Willows all let down. How could you do it to them, Frank?