Tiger Woods: Who Gives A Shit

 

Still smiling, not giving a shit what you think

Apologies in advance to those sensitive to adult language and themes: this post will contain several incidents of them. If you'd prefer not to read adult language and themes, I suggest you look at this picture of a miniature pony and a Shire horse instead. It's both heart-warming and thought-provoking. For the rest of you, here's what I have to say.

Who gives a shit about what Tiger Woods does away from a golf course? This started when I read Dave Miller's post over at the National Football Post, which is usually one of the best sources of writing about sports that exists on the internet. In one intellectually stunted, thoughtless screed, Miller makes the following claims:

1. The Tiger Woods Brand is finished
2. For some unspecified reason, Woods will never win a Grand Slam
3. Woods is "fatigued and older, exhausted and dethroned"
4. Woods' stint in sex rehab was not sincere
5. Woods' "actions affected so many"
6. Woods is "incapable of change"

Let's destroy the easy ones first. Unless Dave Miller has some secret, close relationship with Tiger Woods which he isn't disclosing, I think he's in no position to judge either point 4 or point 6. I make no claims that he's wrong, I just don't think he has any evidence to draw those conclusions. They may well be perfectly correct. Unfortunately, the writer just pulled them out of his ass.

Point 2 is frankly bizarre, since Miller offers no reason to support his opinion, leading us to believe that it is related to Woods' recent scandals. Well, if fucking some random whores is a huge roadblock to success, I guess that Wilt Chamberlain will never amount to anything. Or Bill Clinton. Or John F. Kennedy. Or Howard Hughes.

 

You'll piss and whine, and he'll keep winning

As for points 1 and 3, how about waiting until the guy has actually swung a fucking golf club before you make those judgements? The Tiger Woods Brand is not based on being a family man, it's based on regularly pounding the shit out of the best the world can offer on a golf course. If he continues to do that, the Brand lives on. People will still buy Nike golf gear. People will still buy all the reams of junk he endorses. Male golfers around the world don't care about his womanizing. They care about being associated with the runaway freight train of success that Tiger Woods has been since 1996. They don't wear Nike golf gear to show the world that they are committed family men, they wear it to show that they're serious golfers, or rich, or have dubious sartorial tastes.

But it's point 5 that irks me the most. Miller tells us that he doesn't care about Woods' private life, and neither should we, but "his efforts in essentially living a double life make us care when his actions affected so many."

Really? His actions affected so many? How many is that exactly?

Himself. His wife. His kids. There's a solid four. The women he screwed? I think we can safely say they have an equal share in the blame for that. The rest of the slavish rabble out there who think they were affected by his actions? Mindless drones, all of them.

Mindless drones lapping up the slop served to them by the media. It's like a less-extreme version of the death of Princess Diana, with weak-minded sheep weeping in the streets, braying "I felt like I knew her." Well you didn't. You knew a media representation of her, and she didn't give two shits about you. That's not to say she was a bad person. I have no idea whether she was a bad person or not, because I didn't know her.

A man you don't know

We don't know Tiger Woods. He does not make any decisions related to our lives. His actions simply did not affect any of us. All he did was fuck a bunch of cheap women. Is that a big deal? Yes, but only to his immediate family. For the rest of us, it's tabloid crap and nothing more.

Next season, barring injuries, Tiger Woods will once again be the best golfer in the world. He will win tournaments, and probably majors. He will make more money from endorsements than most other golfers combined. In short, he will continue being Tiger Woods.

The world didn't end. Nothing of any real value changed. You can now return to your homes, and for fuck's sake, stop writing about it like it matters.