You Should Retire

Guys, you've been great. You've broken records, won Super Bowls, been heroes, and made your families proud. But now, it's over. You're shadows of your former selves. Instead of carrying on too long, go gracefully. Don't rage against the dying of the light, or the dwindling of your yards-per-carry. Don't be Shaun Alexander. Be Barry Sanders. Don't leave us with the memory of the year you played for the Chiefs and embarrassed yourself.

LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego Chargers (for now, at least)

 

A familiar sight: Tomlinson stuffed at the line of scrimmage. In 2006, he would have scored a 96-yard TD and saved the rainforest

Make no mistake, LT will not have a lightning bolt on his uniform next season, unless he makes an unexpected decision to play for the '79 Detroit Pistons, or the Nazis. I remember saying to a friend back in the '06 season that Tomlinson's average stat line was something like 20 rushes for 150 yards and 3 TDs, 5 receptions for 50 yards and another 2 TDs, 1 pass for 10 yards and a TD, one orphan saved from a burning building, one cure for cancer, and one terrorist plot foiled in the nick of time. In 2009, his actual average stat line was 16 carries for 52 yards, less than 1 TD, one reception for 7.7 yards, and bunch of pissed-off Chargers fans. It's not pretty to see the downside of a running back's career, but it happens to the best of them. Remember Marshall Faulk's last couple of years? I hope you don't, because they take the gloss off of a surefire Hall-of-Fame career. Emmitt Smith the Cardinal? Tony Dorsett in Denver? Eric Dickerson with the Raiders or Falcons? Running backs have a habit of holding on too long, thinking they can recapture the greatness they had. But whether it's caused by slowing down, injuries, or lack of talent around them, it never happens. I still think it's early enough for Tomlinson to retire, and for all of us to only remember the unbelievable player he was from 2001-2007. But the smart money says he laces them up for another year, with the Seahawks, or the Chiefs, or the Bears, or some other also-ran. More's the pity.

Brian Westbrook, RB, Philadelphia Eagles

 

Westbrook: "Ouch, my ankle/achilles/groin/knee/brain" (delete as appropriate)

I could write something, or you could just read the Tomlinson section again. It's basically the same, except with more concussions. I actually think there's a decent chance Westbrook reads the writing on the wall, and hangs it up, though. The factor here is that the Eagles have a ready-made replacement in LeSean McCoy. His name has four separate capital letters, and you can't say that about too many people.


Flozell Adams, OT, Dallas Cowboys

 

Flozell Adams grapples with Justin Tuck. Tuck beat him on an inside stunt, and strip-sacked Tony Romo

Adams was memorably described as a 'dirtbag' by Giants DE Justin Tuck after New York's win in week 13. Adams pushed Tuck from behind after the play was dead, causing a melee. He was fined four times overall in the 2009 season, for offences including kicking Julius Peppers (I'm pretty sure most of Carolina wants to do that, though). What was lost in the mess, though, is that Adams isn't actually any good anymore. The Cowboys O-line got Tony Romo sacked 34 times, many of them coming through the turnstile that is now the left side. This included Ray Edwards getting three of the Vikings' six in the divisional playoff game that ended Dallas's season, and Elvis Dumervil spending a lot of quality time with Romo in week 4. Doug Free played well enough during his 7-week stint filling in for injured RT Marc Colombo, and Adams is due $5 million in 2010. There's probably another disappointing year in this story, though.

Jake Delhomme, QB, Carolina Panthers

 

Jake Delhomme does a spot-on impression of all Carolina fans

This man is now battling only JaMarcus Russell to be the worst QB in the NFL. A scary stat (for Panthers fans): Chris Johnson had only 11 fewer yards rushing than Delhomme had passing in 2009. Johnson had 6 more TDs, too. Interesting theory: Carolina would have been better playing DeAngelo Williams or Jonathan Stewart in the wildcat all season, and running it on every down. Even more frightening: Carolina paid Delhomme over $6.3 million in 2009. The most frightening thing you'll hear all week: Carolina is due to pay Delhomme $11.76 million in 2010. Eleven million dollars! Eleven million! I think I'm going to have a stroke. Someone get me Marty Hurney's phone number. I feel like playing some quarterback, and I hear he'll give $42 million contracts to anyone. On a more serious note, Delhomme is simply not an NFL-caliber QB anymore. He's not going to get any better from here. Matt Moore looked good in the last 5 games of the season, and there's no reason for Carolina not to move on. There's also no shame in retiring for Delhomme. He's overachieved massively in his career. A Super Bowl and a Pro Bowl appearance are way beyond what someone with his talent level can expect to achieve - most guys with his talent level never get past backup status. Hard work and intelligence got him to the top level, albeit briefly.

Assorted others who are really, really old

 

John Carney, rookie year

Fun fact: when John Carney first kicked in the NFL, Reagan was president, U2 released The Joshua Tree, the Nike Air Max was first designed, Rashard Mendenhall, Tim Tebow, and Darren McFadden were born, and Andy Warhol, Fred Astaire and Liberace died... As much as he was a personal favourite of mine, nobody wants Jeff Garcia, or will ever want him again...Bobby Engram, Joey Galloway, Isaac Bruce: still looking for jobs, won't find them... Muhsin Muhammad: saved by his blocking... Terrell Owens: probably has one more year left... Lawyer Milloy, Grady Jackson, Todd Collins: give it up...